Dear Journal. Today I am...
Marius came down on me last night. He doesn't see, none of them see.
it is better this way.
It will be better for them, it will be better for me. They don't have to worry. There is nothing to fear in death. The Light will guide my soul to whatever final resting ground it deems me worthy of. All I want is peace, and I think I've found it.
Arthur came back and will not let me alone. He burned my libram. I did not think it would upset me, it is nothing but a book, one that I knew by heart. But now, I try to think back, I try to remember the passages of that text, and I can not recall the lines.
Perhaps I am not worthy of them. He tried to give me something, saw this morning that it is another book. Another libram, an older one.
I do not want it.
If I was not good enough for the basic teachings of the Light in the previous one, what good will this one be?
Not that I will be here long enough to even properly read through it anyway. Even if this does take longer than I suspect, I would rather spend my time with Greg and the horses and doing what I can to assist around his house while I still can.
Marius insists that I come to the Sigil's meeting on Saturday. I do not know what he has planned, but I want nothing of it. It is annoying, this. Everyone wants to continue to fight this but me. I'm tired, I'm done, I give up. I was not strong enough in will or body or spirit, I haven't been all this time and I certainly am not now. Accept my fate with me and let me have my peace. It is apparently too much to ask.
I wonder if the clinic would have use for any of my things? Should give Nythaniel back the necklace he carved for me.
I worry about him. The Sigil are apparently unwilling to take him in. It hurts, I do not understand why they fight so hard for someone like me and are so reluctant to try and save someone who can still be saved like him. If any of them took half the interest in him that they seem to be taking in me now, I am sure he could heal and recover.
I will miss him. Light knows he scares me at times, but I will still miss him, if I am capable of such feelings after
I wonder what it will be li
Still need to write a letter to Vandrin. I want to fully explain myself and the events that happened in the Bastion that he ended up involved in. I would hate to go with that nasty bit of unfinished business hanging over our heads. I can only pray he will find it in his heart to forgive me. If not, at least I can say I tried.
Light give me strength